What she really means..............

Inspired by Karthik and Sagnik (their names actually rhyme!) and from years of experience, I decided to compile my own list of what your wife/gf means when she uses certain buzz words:

1. "But I thought we were supposed to spend some quality time together tonight"
I dont care that its Super Bowl/World Cup finals tonight and all your friends are getting together. I really think we should go out, have a nice quiet romantic dinner and watch some sappy movies on Lifetime, so I can bawl my eyes out and feel really good about it. It's just another game after all.

2. "We need to get a new dishwasher."
I dont like how the current dishwasher in the kitchen doesnt match the new $5 pillow sitting in the corner of the couch of the living room. So instead of getting another $5 pillow, we can get another dishwasher that matches. Why dont WE use that money, YOU are saving for the new plasma TV?

3. "I have a headache"
This is the ultimate bucket of cold water on all your plans for that evening. If you are planning to go to a party, catch a movie or hoping to get some action, this will make sure that you both are stuck at home for the night and it is you who is doing the dishes.

4. "Go ahead........."
I dont really want you to but go ahead and hang out with your friends. The guilt trip I just gave you will make sure you are not having any fun.

5. "I'm not mad."
I'm mad and you are a dead duck. Prepare to get an expensive gift and some flowers as apologies.

6. "I need new shoes."
To go along with the 40 other pairs that are lying in the closet.

7. "Where is the remote?"
Time to switch channels from the football/basketball/cricket game to a repeat of Oprah.

8. "Are you asleep?"
How dare you fall asleep while I'm still awake? We need to talk about some mundane matters which can really wait till tomorrow but I dont want you to relax right now.

9. "You love me."
Take out the trash and do the dishes.

10. "We need to talk."
Translated: I need to talk. You are in deep shit. If you both just started dating, this means its over. If you have been steadily dating for a while, this is the beginning of the end. If you are married, this usually means you have been spending too much time hanging out with your boys or one of your friends/relatives said something to offend her.

Bonus: Are you listening to me?
I dont care if your team is getting ready to kick the winning field goal or needs 4 runs off the last ball, I'm trying to bitch about our neighbours/my co-workers/your friends/my best friend and you need to listen.